About Me

For years I was stuck in a rut of I am not good enough to do much of anything because I always had this very low self esteem. Didn't do well in High School, didn't go to college, worked jobs here and there just to try to get by.  Got myself in with the wrong people through my teens and basically prayed that I never ended up behind bars. Close to it but thankfully someone was watching out for me. Not watching that long I guess because in 94 I got pregnant and on October 28, of that year I gave birth to a beautiful little boy named C.J.  In and out of women's shelters due to physical violence by the men in my life. Which I roll my eyes to right now, I at that time was not ready to face the fact that in fact was a Lesbian and I too didn't think it was the right time to tell the whole damn world.

C.J. was born with Atrial Septal Defect and had this repaired. I thought. I gave him every opportunity that I could while he was with us until the end. He passed in my arms on the way to the hospital in 96. He was pronounced dead on November 27, 96. My little angle came into my life to turn it around. He did just that.

I was diagnosed in 98 with Bipolar Disorder and now everything came into play. My parents and I  finally understood what was going on in my little old world.  If anyone knows anything about being Bipolar then they will understand a few things here. Explosive outbreaks for no reasons, paranoia, extreme highs and lows and spending money like it was water. I was in and out of hospitals for the good part of my life. Not when C.J. was in my life thank  goodness but all those other horrifying times that I just couldn't figure out what was wrong. Now we knew and could start doing something about it.

Medication after medication and therapy after therapy finding the right combinations are a hell of a road to go down if you know nothing of the sort. There are tons of information on this subject as well as other mental health diseases but at that time in my life I don't think the Internet was part of my regimen. Dr.'s didn't really know what they know now and other with this were in the same boat as I.

Then one day something hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't have to have this control my life. I control my own life and destiny. I have a voice and I am going to use it damn it. So I started to find a place to fit in. I found an outreach center in my area and reached out and I was accepted into their place. Kind of like a group home but you go home at the end of the day. Interaction with different people of all walks of life. Doing tasks that you don't have to do, but realize day after day that these are attainable and can work for me. So it was a place I visited everyday.

My DH -Am

It helped me in so many ways: to be kind and gentle to myself, to reach out for help when I need it, to be a good listener, to know the warning signs when something is about to fall a part. To be a good role model for other members coming into the house. Being artistic and fun and the list goes on and on. Then the day came where I met my DH ( darling hersband) She was there like I for a mental illness. Not the same one I could tell but it didn't matter. I was in like at first sight.
We dated, we went through some troubled spots due to her mental illness and other things that came into play but eventually we moved in with one another and the house where we met said that "We will never make it as a couple, not because we are gay, but because we both have a major mental illness." We left that house and never looked back.  We had a civil ceremony here in our Simplicity in the City. 

Me ( Beth )

We have been going strong for over 7 years and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Oh Oh okay I probably would change one thing and that would be to reduce the Stigma that faces us everyday of our lives.



P.S. These photos are Halloween 2011. My favorite holiday of the year.